私のこころ

諦めない... Don't give up

2011-02-13T21:56:00.000-08:00

When exams were over, the relationship with him is over as well.. The same night that exams ended, the same night we broke up.

It was kind of funny. We both were actually waiting for each other's exams to end to ask for break up and it happens that my exams ended earlier than his... when he said " I don't really want to spoil your party mood" ... I already knew what he was going to say. hahahaha. And now we are.. just back to be friends. But one thing I can be sure, there will be no friendship between us after this relationship ended.

"Prepared doesn't mean it doesn't hurt".. what Shiki said was right. I was all prepared for the break up.. or was already planning to... but when it really happened... It still hurts... I cried. silently.. and for quite some time that night. But what to do? It's all over and I should get over it fast... because I don't to worry those who cares for me :')

The next day, outing with the SJCC people was indeed fun. Like a big family playing and running at Sentosa beach. No matter how I tried, I couldn't get that one thing out of my mind whenever I am alone... it's hard of course... there's no way a broken heart can be healed in one night... no way... on the way home... sitting in the bus alone... my expression became emotionless again.. humming the slow and emo songs... and telling myself... "It's enough, after this week, next week will be a brand new start"

and TADA~ I feel all better. V-day? screw that piece of shit 8D

終わり

終わりました!!! It's OVER!!

2011-02-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

yes yes~ The final examinations of Year 2 has ended~~~~~~ so happy WOOHOO!!!

I'm not sure.. but I tried my best this sem :3 and I'm can say, I'm kind of satisfied with the results I have got so far~ :3 so many As and Bs I got... I really hope the exam is ok too so that my overall result will be pulled up :3

Hmm, even though exams have finished.. but something just can't get out of my mind.

The night before the last papers.. I went to talk to you... and I finally pulled my courage to tell you that next Monday is going to be V-day. then I found out that you didn't even know when my exams end like LOL? and you "...." me? what's this man? :/

oh well, not like I'm really expecting anything from you like always so never mind...

I don't know anymore, now you only left one week to study and I don't want to disturb your studying so jia you ba you... [why am I so soft hearted?]

Gonna spend V-day with mom hohoho~ cos like I care xD pfffff

終わり

もう少し... a bit more...

2011-02-10T04:03:00.000-08:00

Just a bit more!!!>A<

*kicked/slapped/punched/stabbed by self* GO FREAKING STUDY YOUR LAST 2 PAPERS!!!! STOP BLOGGING!!!!

yea yea... like I care -u- ( I do care... i will study after this)

Just knew about your exam dates and wow, you only left one week to study after your presentation...? hahah... All the best... I will still be supporting you... mentally only though :x since we are in totally different courses... but that also means.. there's no time for us *smiles*

Attachment... 1st of March.. is not far... 2 weeks more... and I'm totally away from school... 28 Feb.. on that day.. or the day after.. I will keep looking at my phone I guess? hahaha even though by then, my attachment starts.... I will still hope...

終わり

この感情は諦める... Give up...

2011-02-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

ねぇ、今すぐ会いたいよ
本音隠した何気ないメールは
いつまでも君の心の中に
届かないまま
-Gumi - 会いたい -

Recently I found this Vocaloid song named, “会いたい” by Gumi. “Aitai”… means I want to meet you … the very first part of this song hit me…

“I want to meet you now… A plain SMS with a hidden message of this feeling was never delivered to your heart...”

How close can that be? It’s just…match the situation that I have right now? A “yo!”, a “ hi :3”…. Has hidden meaning of me wanting to meet you….

"I miss you... "... "I really miss you so much…" All of these words… I want to tell you… but I can’t…

Either I’m too shy… or I’m such a coward…

You were busy… I understand… I was busy too… both are having project and all. I was glad you told me you might not be attentive for the moment… you might not reply to my message and all… I was glad… and weeks later… I started to feel really…depressed… I know you are busy… only dare to send you SMS once in a while… I was glad that day, the conversation was longer… but it... ended when I asked about if you are free on Valentine’s Day… and I told myself… he’s busy… never mind…

I asked again on MSN, you said you are not sure with your timing and I was… ok with it… I guess? I… so want to meet you… really… but seems like… I just can’t have the courage to say that. I don’t want to be a selfish girl… I always know how results mean a lot to you. So I hold it back… I wait…

Slowly, I started to realise… why I want to meet you so much? It’s because I don’t seems to contact with you much… I didn’t get to talk to you… when I see you on MSN, “he must be busy doing work :3 never mind” … I posted some things on your wall in Facebook, no reply, “ I think he’s really busy xD”. There was once… I talked to you on msn… after you online for 30 mins… you said you were chatting with some friends… “Why didn’t talk to me? We have not talked for a long time”…. I was having that in mind…but I “ ahahaha! xD I see I see ”

Sometimes… I see you commenting on other people’s post… so I start to think too much… and eventually deleted the posts on your wall… slowly... slowly… I started to stop SMS-ing you.. MSN-ing you… even Facebook-ing you… and there we go… 2 weeks of no contact…

My Facebook wall was full of depressing messages… one after another… some of my friends even got worried and asked me “are you ok or not?”… All I can say was… “I’m better now…^^ no worry~” lies… how much I wish that… once… at least just once… you comment on my depressing posts… or sms/msn me to ask if I’m ok… and hahaha… “He’s really busy I guess”….

V-day… I was just hoping at least may be one day before or after it, we can go out to celebrate… because I know, that day is on Monday, you have kendo.

And I found out that our timing always clash with each other… we both have project at the same time… I have my exams… your turn when I finish… when you are done with exam, my attachment starts… and I started to wonder… “Will he contact me when he’s done with his exams?” and all the worries come in… and I was prepared somehow… this relationship will end during/before the attachment… but I was still hesitating…. Because… no initiative from me…no contact with you…. *smiles*

Finally here comes the Chinese New Year eve… I saw you online… I wondered if I should talk to you… and a friend threatened me that if I don’t, he will… so I did. Blah blah blah, all kind of boring conversation went on…. And it ends fast as usual… because you said you were doing report.

And suddenly out of my mind, I said to you “I seriously miss you la! ><”… I felt damn shy when I finally typed that… “Am I really so good to miss? X.X ” … that instant… my heart went dead… so dead… to me.. it sounds like… as if you are not my boyfriend… as if I’m just a random girl who has a crush on you… as if.. I’m the only dumb person who misses you…

Chinese New Year eve… all my feeling for you...were gone…

I used to heart pain when see other couples holding hands happily… now I don’t…
I used to heart pain when see other couples talking to each other on Facebook… now I don’t…

I used to miss you… now… I don’t want to anymore…

I like you... I really do… In some ways, I know you are such type of person…but girls are complicated… I know... but I can’t stand it… not anymore…

We will see… when your exam finished… we will see if… this relationship still has a point to last…. I doubt that but… just a little bit… I still wish there will be a little hope… if not… crash it… my feeling for you… crash it…

I really want to ask… but yet I can’t… “Do you still see me as your girlfriend? Do you still like me?”

Because to me… I feel like I’m no different before we are together… just... more emotional

I don’t know anymore… I can typed out all these in compo like this… all of these that I want to tell you.. but I can’t seem to say it out… yet don’t intent to show you…

Hahaha, what a trouble I am…

終わり

新年...始めました -New Year-

2011-02-09T06:02:00.000-08:00

Finally after 1 year later.. I feel like writing blog again... used to be... so carefree.. things used to be so simple and easy... but I guess, this is part of the growing stage.. 20 years old.. not a teenage anymore.. a young adult.. soon will be going to the society..

In this poly, I learn many things... so many that I can't list... haha... though my temple and bad habit doesn't seems to change at all too >u>' but oh well...

Right after the Chinese New Year, the School of Business Managemenet (SBM) examination starts... from 7th Feb to 11th Feb... thanx to the attachment in March.. everything pushed forward... good and bad...

Good? exam ends the earlier the better >:3

Bad? So little time to study TTuTT

*kicks self, self: GO STUDY! WRITE WHAT BLOG!!*

I screwed my last sem results and now I'm going to pull it back... I'm kind of happy that my result got better.. I ever got As for some of the ICA 8D.. I'm so happy~~~

Just jia you for the remaining 3 papers and I'm done and FREE!!!!!!8DDD GOGO!!!

終わり